Kallendorfian Lexicon

The Kallendorfian Lexicon is a sacred text that houses all manner of speech from the people of Kallendorf. The Lexicon is one of the few actual documents that we have that confirm the existence of the state. Using the Lexicon we can properly identify when specific Kallendorfian events happened and understand how Kallendorfian culture developed so differently from its other Rhenish neighbors. Many of the words within the Lexicon are based off of the ancient Celtic speech from the Fiddy-Quatros. It is often theorized that followers of Waine helped create the Kallendorfian language when attempting to use the ancient druidic language of the Fiddy-Quatros to bring themselves closer to flow of natural magic.

It is important to remember that the Kallendorfian Lexicon on this page is subject to change based off of new archaeological studies and discoveries.

The Kallendorfian Lexicon
Section 1 - “The Founding Four”

The four original terms of the Lexicon stand as the pinnacle of Kallendorfian creed, remarkable in their simplicity and symbolic value. The Founding Four, being conceived by the Kingdom of the Fiddy-Quatros, remind Kallendorfians of their foreign roots, yet simultaneously spur in them a powerful sense of national pride. For what would Kallendorf be without such foundational creations?

 

Term 1

Sideways Batman

Construction

Sideways Batman is made by sticking out one’s pinky and index fingers on a single hand while orienting that hand parallel to the ground.

Meaning

Sideways Batman is verbal in nature. If one were to say that they would “Sideways Batman” another, usually female, person, then they are stating that they would, via the two outstretched fingers, administer sexual acts to the genitals and anus of said person.

 

Term 2

Thumb

Construction

Thumb is replicated by simply raising one’s thumb in an identical fashion to giving one a thumbs up, along with straightening one’s arm.

Meaning

To display Thumb is to acknowledge one’s own phallus as abnormally small. Often, the length of said organ is compared to the length of the displayed thumb.

 

Term 3

Throbbing Starfish

Construction

The Throbbing Starfish is created by joining the tips of all digits on a single hand. The tips of the fingers should contact each other at a common vertex, and the fingers should be relaxed and almost fully outstretched.

Meaning

The Throbbing Starfish exists solely as a euphemistic physical and verbal representation of the anus. The “throbbing” part of the term refers to the contractions of the sphincter.

 

Term 4

Dong

Construction

Dong is more of an action than any sort of hand gesture. It is performed by loudly and dramatically slamming the backside of one’s hand and forearm on a surface, usually in front of another person. It is imperative that one also shouts “DONG” at the moment of impact.

Meaning

When one commits a Dong, they’re demonstrating the action of whipping out one’s penis, slamming it on a surface, and presenting it to a bystander.

 

Section 2 - “The Reawakening”

Even under the holy establishment of the Founding Four, not all was well with the Kallendorfians. Boredom, unoriginality and a general staleness were beginning to fester in the population, and new terms were desperately sought after. The coming of the following two terms was hailed as the saving of Kallendorf culture, and is credited with starting the First Kallendorfian Renaissance.

It’s worth noting that from this point onwards, not every term is guaranteed both “Construction” and “Meaning,” and may only contain one of the two.

 

Term 1

Philadelphia Toboggan

Construction

The Philadelphia Toboggan is shown through a loose movement of an arm, lead by a hand, in a ramp sort of fashion.

Meaning

The deposit of fecal matter onto the nape of the female partner, preferably who is leaning forward somewhat to form a slope down to the base of her back. The feces will then proceed to fly off a ramp of sorts upon reaching her buttocks.

 

Term 2

Nantucket Sleigh Ride

Meaning

To initiate a Nantucket Sleigh Ride, one must connect a particularly obese woman and a skateboard with a rope. After doing so, the initiator will mount the skateboard and being hurling Yoo-Hoos in front of the female’s face, causing her to lurch forward in pursuit of the treats.

 

Section 3 - “The First Kallendorfian Renaissance”

Even the glorious existence of the Reawakening terms was unable to satiate the Kallendorfians, who were thrust into a renaissance of unprecedented creativity and art. Although its effects are beginning to diminish, the First Kallendorfian Renaissance still continues to this day. It has become evident that the era of foreign influence has ceased in favor of an era of nationalism, patriotism, and pure Kallendorfian genius.

 

Term 1

Alaskan Bull Worm

Construction

The Alaskan Bull Worm is constructed by leading your arm through a series of up and down movements as if your arm is a worm itself.

Meaning

The meaning of the Alaskan Bull Worm is when you put your flaccid penis into your female partner and begin to urinate. This is usually done when you have not urinated for days, resulting in a buildup of pressure and causing the subsequent release to resemble an uncontrolled fire hose.

 

Term 2

Milk Snake

Construction

If you take the Alaskan Bull Worm, and flip it sideways, you will accomplish forming the Milk Snake. To form the Milk Snake, move your arm in side to side motions as if it is a snake.

Meaning

Milk Snake refers to the act of sliding the male’s genitals between the breasts of his female partner in a rough fashion as to cause her to lactate. The breast-milk is used as lubricant for the sexual act.

 

Term 3

Patty Wagon

Construction

In order to construct the Patty Wagon, hold your hand in a loose fist as if you are holding a mug, and move your clenched hand towards and away from your mouth, like you are drinking from your mug consistently.

Meaning

The meaning of the Patty Wagon, is the idea that an enclosed wagon, filled with Irish people exists. This wagon is powered by the Irishmen lifting their mugs to drink particular alcoholic beverages.

 

Term 4.1

African Pressure Chamber

Construction

In order to construct the African Pressure Chamber, grab at the air in front of your face and pull down as if you are a magician performing a wondrous trick of a never ending handkerchief.

Meaning

 

Term 4.2

African Pressure Chamber

Meaning

It is providing the testicles with a coating of a female’s period blood, and then having the female clean off the blood with her tongue while the male is cutting off her air supply through the act of choking her throat.

 

Section 4 - “The Kallendorfian Enlightenment”

Upon the subsiding of the first renaissance, there was a lull in Kallendorfian advancement. The people were pleased with their new way of speaking. However, a few philosophers were unhappy; unhappy with the lack of strides for a better and stronger language. The philosophers created an underground society where they would produce an enlightenment of thought, thinking of every possible term that could be created.

 

Term 1

Squeaky Clean

Construction

Meaning

Anal sexual intercourse with soap used as lubricant.

 

Term 2

Mr. Clean Magic Eraser

Construction

Meaning

Anal sexual intercourse with soap used as lubricant after the partner had recently defecated, leaving the penis to clean up the remaining fecal matter.

 

Term 3

The Finger-Lickin’ Good

Construction

Meaning

 

Term 4

11 Herbs and Spices

Construction

Meaning

 

Term 5

Texas Chili Dog

Construction

Meaning

The filling of one’s anus with refried beans.

 

Term 6

Double-Stuffed Enchilada

Construction

Meaning

Traditionally preceded by the Texas Chili Dog, it is anal sexual intercourse with the receiver’s anus filled with refried beans.

 

Term 7

Tabasco Fiasco

Construction

Meaning

 

Term 8

Texan Steak Grinder

Construction

Meaning

Using barbecue sauce as a lubricant.

 

Term 9

The Patrick Star

Construction

Meaning

 

Term 10

The Helicockter

Construction

The gesture used to imply this is to mimic the act of grabbing the base of the penis and twirling it around in a circular motion.

Meaning

The twirling of the man’s phallus so quickly that it acts as a propeller to give the man flight similar to that of a helicopter.

 

Term 11

The Autism Hat

Construction

This is conveyed through the moving of the index finger in a circular motion while either pointing upward or downward, as if mimic the spinning of a propeller sometimes found on certain beanie style hats.

Meaning

The insertion of the man’s penis into either a vagina or an anus from behind the receiver which is followed by the man spinning about the axis of his genitals.

 

Term 12

The Hobgoblin Knob Slobberin’ Double Decker Pecker Wrecker

Construction

 

Meaning

 

Term 13

Wisconsin Johnson

Construction

Meaning

 

Term 14

Toepungus

Construction

Meaning

The act of weaving one’s penis through a set of toes that is infected with toe fungus.

 

Texan Volcano

 

Term 16

The Plug and Chug

Construction

Meaning

The grabbing of the testicles in such a manner similar to that of the chain for the whistle of a train and then pulling down on the testicles.

 

Term 17

Squidwhore

Construction

Meaning

The using of the nose as an item of pleasure.